IT'S LIKE THAT ZAPPA SONG...

"why do we do it?" asked one of our instructors once asked us on the first few days of classes. "we do it for the money. we're only in it for the money," he answered himself.

at that moment i couldn't totally understand what he meant. in fact, i was slighlty put off by it. i hadn't expected the school to be so...industry driven? however, a few months down the road, i can totally sympathize with this sentiment. this guy has been a sound editor for years, but he hasn't worked on anything you'd call a masterpiece. he had a really good gig on a popular canadian show in the 80's, but nothing too special. a string of unglorious but steady work was his lot. does he care? no, because, in the end, he lives like the king of his own world. he's been nominated for awards and he's a pretty happy guy who hasn't lost interest in the work itself, no matter how ridiculous.

it takes a fair bit of optminism and faith in the wayward youth of today to do his teaching job. kids walk in there everyday with no fuckin clue what it takes to break yourself into this kind of a world. some of these kids have never tasted an ounce of professionalism in their lives and they come into the school expecting service instead of education. the school is run like a business, and it's as cold as one. some people are definitely not cut out for it. and those who can't make it are the ones who expect, rather than attempt, the most.

i too, had a lot of expectations when i started there, and as much as i like to think i'm above all this bullshit, i have to remind myself, always, that i 've been granted all kinds of social and economical advantages from the get go. most of these kids didn't get that. i cannot hold them up to the same standards as i hold myself, and i must give them a chance before i consider them all a bunch of starchasers with their chichen-heads cut off.

* * *

there's a possibility i'm heading to ottawa to anounce my rejection of the bush agenda, although not specifically as a protestor. i'll be on assignment with the paper, assisting the photo editor with her work and maybe doing some second unit stuf (do they call it a second unit in photography? i know that's the film term). i certainly don't intend to do much more than the work i need to do, but there's no doubt i'll be acting in the spirit of protest. i won't be on the front of the lines with bullhorns like i was in 2003, but i'm sure i'll be going through some of the same emotions.

i must go to bed, as i have a sharp pain going up my shin bone, which i suspect is the result of the splinter i stepped on today that so sneakily jutted from my floor, waiting in cruel anticipation as my foot hovered over it. i had no tweezers so i had to remove it with a variety of techniques and tools, which might have been a mistake.

i should sand my floor. or maybe i just walk too much and need better shoes.