A NEWSPAPER STORY PART 3

PART 1
PART 2

In mid December, Adam and Warren circulated an e-mail around the office that nobody would be getting any Christmas bonuses this year due to disappointing sales. That meant that I wouldn’t be receiving a $20 note that apparently I was entitled too. For other people who had been there far longer they felt hurt because when Adam takes his vacation during Feb. to warmer climes they know it will be courtesy of their bonus money. However, the Christmas party went on as scheduled and let me tell you that it was one that could only happen at the Save an Ad.

The Christmas party was to start at noon on a Friday. We would come in to work as scheduled and the office would still be open because some people would be conducting business, such as the car magazines. It was also payday for us so that was another added bonus as well. When the clock struck noon, all of us stopped working and went to unload cases of beer from Seamus’ car. There was also a buffet that included veal, eggplant, and salad. I’m sure Jenna enjoyed the fact that the veal was gone in no time.

Buckley asked Adam if it was ok for us to smoke weed in the promotions room during the party and he told him that we could go outside since it wasn’t that cold. A little bit later, Brian, who worked in displays and was Buckley’s smoking buddy, came in to the promotion room and started rolling a spliff. He was going to take it outside but Buckley insisted we smoke it in the promotions office. Brian said that he did not think that Adam and Warren would appreciate it. Buckley replied that he asked Adam earlier if we could smoke inside the promotions room and since he’d said we should go outside, that meant it was ok to smoke inside. Buckley, who had successfully conned Adam and Warren into controlling the promotions room, was too lazy at this point to even lie. Maybe that’s a sign that you should be smoking less weed. Buckley also made an announcement that “Brian has 15 half quarters for sale”, as if the art of subtlety did not exist.

Brian relented and pretty soon the room smelled like someone had burned a pound of reefer. There was an eight year old girl at the party, one of the employees daughter’s, and we were all worried that she was going to come in. Sure enough, she opened the door while we were smoking one of about 85 joints and I was just like, get away! The door kept on opening and eventually no one even cared. Seamus did walk in and this one guy name Dan from classifieds, who apparently was the original Dan at the Save an Ad, passed it to someone else and was like “I don’t even know what is going on.” I asked Buckley if Seamus cared and he told me that a bit of weed that someone had bought from him earlier was really from Seamus. This reminds me of a little vignette that Alicia had told us before. Apparently, a memo was sent around the office asking people to check if they smoked weed or sold it. A few people actually checked off that they smoked weed. Alicia thinks that the memo was sent out not to punish anyone but for Adam to get more hookups. Apparently, I know why this memo was not sent around when I was working at the Save an Ad because Adam could do worse than to ask his trusty manager Seamus.

At around two, some Russian lady came in and appeared to be distressed. Brian saw her and he was like, do you want to place an ad? Apparently, Buckley forgot to give the cheques for Adam to sign and the Russian lady, who worked at a nearby cheque cashing place called Money Hut, did not notice that the cheque wasn’t signed when Kavitha cashed hers in. She was promptly ordered to go to the Save an Ad to see what the problem was. When the Russian lady smelled the weed and saw everyone drinking she must have had visions that she had been had by Kavitha and that her immediate future would involve an unemployment cheque. Eventually, everything was sorted out and things resumed back to normal.

There was a little bluegrass hoedown going on in the promotions room involving a banjo played by Winnie, as well as various utensils. People commented that it felt like we were involved in a sequel of Where Brother Art Thou. Someone suggested that we should do a documentary on the Save an Ad and I told them that it was a bad idea because people would accuse us of staging it. Everyone promptly nodded their heads in agreement and that was the end of that.

Believe it or not, the Christmas party was the first time that I had been high at the Save an Ad. I refused to get high at work because I was not going to play their game. There’s a consequence for everything, and one reason I think so many people stay on at the Save an Ad is because their constant smoking renders them unmotivated to move up in life. A week prior to the party, I had a conversation with a few people who said that people either quit the Save an Ad right away or stay forever. As I was sitting on the couch a thought cracked through my haze that I had crossed the invisible line from a potential quitter to a lifer and that I was at the point of no return. Was I going to be stuck in the Save an Ad reality forever or would someone merciful send me to the next phase in order to save me from such an existence? Eventually, the crowd dwindled until just myself, Buckley, and Brian were present, or more accurately, Brian passed out on the couch. Somehow I managed to find my way to the subway and go home.
Like the Indianapolis Colts making it to the Super Bowl, some just things weren’t meant to be. In my case, I had missed the deadline to extend my work permit in Canada so I just decided to move back to the US. I made one last visit to the Buy & Sell to say my last goodbye to everyone and see what its like to be Buckley for a day. Instead of bumming cigarettes, I was giving them away since I bought some from the US for everyone to have. As they say, the more things change the more they remain the same and the Save an Ad was no exception.

If I ever forgot how ridiculous the Save an Ad is I sure remembered during my last day there. Apparently, Buckley thought he had been checking his e-mail address Buckley@promotethis.com even though Seamus had it on record that he hadn’t checked it since Dec. 24 (it was Jan. 6). Apparently, Buckley was unaware that his e-mail account had been set to Buckleyandpromotions@xxxxxxxx.com. Now I know why Buckley never received my e-mail saying that I was going to quit. When Seamus asked Buckley if he had remembered the password for Buckleyandpromotions.com he was like, “Um, I can’t remember.” Dan gave Buckley the advice that “maybe you should smoke more weed.”

I was talking to Dan of classifieds for a while and only then did I really begin to feel the pathos of the Save an Ad experience. People had been continuously calling him for free ads but no one would was willing to purchase a bold one. Eventually, Dan pleaded for someone to take him out of this “free ad reality” but he knew that was not going to happen. Before I left we smoked a joint and he told me that if you ever come back to Toronto you know where to find me.

So how do I sum up my experience at the Save an Ad? A cynic would say it was nothing more than a temporary job that I took up to pay the bills while I was wrapping up school. However, it obviously meant something because I did not write these words because I got bored watching the grass grow in winter. No other experience in Toronto, or in my life for that matter, gave me the inspiration to write a multi-page diatribe such as this one. Quite sadly, or not, it’s a high possibility that when I’m an old man, unless I leave a beautiful corpse behind, the Save an Ad will be my most prominent memory of Toronto even though I completed a Master ‘s degree in Geography at the University of Toronto.

As I reflect on my experience at the Save an Ad it brings up more questions than answers. What is the purpose of the Save an Ad? Is it a tax shelter, a secret government program to employ the unemployable, just another badly run business, or had I been tripping for two months? Thank god I’ll never know because I’m never going to work there again.

To end this story I’m going to bring up an interesting vignette. As I said in the beginning, I asked Dan if he was sure that the Save an Ad would overlook my legal status and he said he was certain it turns out he wasn’t allowed to be working either. He told me that he is on disability. Whether it was for his schizophrenia or drug addiction I will never know because I don’t ask questions that I don’t want answered. Ignorance is bliss.

THE END

- d.f.